Exchanges of Love
by Patricia de Lioncourt
Summary: A series of humor drabbles. Each one is set on Valentine's Day in each season of House. In response to the Guild of the Fantastic Quill's 2009 Valentine's Day challenge.
1. Season One

A/N- This is in response to the Guild of the Fantastic Quill 2009 Valentine's Day Challenge. You can find the link to the Guild's blog on my profile under my homepage link. We'll soon be posting more challenges there! As for story notes, this will be a series of drabbles, each placed in each season. This is Season One's Valentine's Day, and I'll be doing Season Two soon. I haven't actually seen Season Three yet, so I'll get to that when I do. Please enjoy!

Disclaimer- I do not own House, M.D or any related characters. They all belong to Fox. This applies to all drabbles in the series.

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**Exchanges of Love**

**Season One**

He had to get out of there. Doctor Gregory House was now off the elevator and within sight of the hospital's front, glass doors. Only a few feet to freedom. Had his leg worked properly, he could duck out pass Cuddy, Cameron, and anyone else whose ass had been targeted by "cupid's arrow." What he once had in speed, he must now have in strategy.

He would duck around the nurses' desk, where Cameron was on the other side, her back to it. Then, he would follow the rather large family that was currently being discharged from the clinic—House could see them thanking Chase now, the large wife, the slightly smaller dad, and the whole band of offspring—out the doors to sweet, sweet freedom.

And on the way to freedom, he would have to avoid all the infectious, pink, red, and white bacterium that came with it being Valentine's Day. The nurses' desk itself was a risk, as it was the focal point for all those confetti-ed hearts and paper cupids. Cuddy would expect him to participate in the spirit of the holiday, for the good of the hospital. What disease that chocolate covered nougat in heart-shaped forms could cure, he'd love to know.

Now was the time! Cameron still had her back turned, and Cuddy was on the phone, frowning down at her desk. As quickly as his leg would allow, he limped his way towards the nurses' desk. He paused just behind one of the columns, watching the large family. They were rather chatty with Chase. House groaned.

"Come on, come on!" he muttered.

He moved behind the column closest to the hospital's doors. The wife was leaning on the door to the clinic, seconds from pushing it open. House readied himself to be put in the middle of the family, thus make his escape.

"Happy Valentine's Day, House!" came Cameron's voice from behind him.

He winced as if he had just been hit with a dart in the neck. He turned to see her holding out a red envelope to him. He dared glance at Cuddy's office. She was leaning towards the phone's base unit, ready to hang the phone up any minute. He was running out of time!

He snatched the card quickly from Cameron. She smiled.

"Happy Valentine's Day," she repeated.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said, not even looking at the card. "You know, this holiday is pointless. It's just a way for candy companies to keep their sales going year round. The same with Easter, Christmas, and all the patriotic holidays. The only holiday worth celebrating anymore is Halloween…just because it's fun to scare the hell out of people for no good reason."

Cameron rolled her eyes and sighed. "I was warned, I guess."

House looked at her. "What? What were you warned about?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. Just…bye."

With that, she turned and walked off. House stared after her for just a moment before turning to check the status of his large family. His eyes widened to see them almost completely out of the hospital. He moved as quickly as he could to check up, only to feel a second dart collide with his neck.

"Doctor House," Cuddy said, freezing him in his tracks.

He turned slowly, annoyed.

"What?" he asked. "I'm going home."

She sighed. "I can see that. I can also see that you did not do anything to commemorate this holiday. But, it's almost over. So, happy Valentine's Day, House," she said, shoving a small, heart-shaped box of candies into his hand—the one still holding the card Cameron had given him.

"For me? Really? But…I didn't get you anything!" he said. Then, arching a brow and leaning in a bit closer, he added, "You're not trying to tell me you're pregnant or something, are you? Cause, if you are, I don't want your tainted chocolates!"

"I'm giving them to all hospital employees, House," Cuddy said, turning to walk away.

"Wow, haven't you been busy," he said, as she waved a hand at him as she departed.

He turned to see his cover family long gone. No point to them now anyway. He moved at his own pace towards the hospital doors, pausing only when he saw Wilson chatting to a nurse over near the clinic doors.

"Hey, Wilson," House said, moving towards him.

Wilson looked up slowly. "Yes?"

House shoved the Valentine's card into his hands. "Happy Valentine's Day. Just like to let you know I care."

Without waiting for a reply, House continued to exit the hospital, ripping into the box of chocolates as he went.

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End Notes: Just a short little ditty. I hope everyone enjoyed it. And I hope that everyone found it at least mildly funny. I think the drabble I have planned for season two is going to be funnier. Anyhow, please review!


	2. Season Two

A/N- I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews I've gotten for Season One! Now, Season Three might be a while off, since I've yet to actually see Season Three. But I hope everyone enjoys!

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**Exchanges of Love**

**Season Two**

If Cuddy wanted him to participate, then participate he would. A week prior to Valentine's, and the Dean of Medicine had started in on him. She wanted him to participate in the holiday—no matter how hokey it was—to boost morale. In a hospital. However, she had made the mistake of saying, "any way you want."

House smiled, making his way out of the hospital's gift shop, his purchase in hand. He paused just outside the doors, tearing open the box of children's_ Harry Potter_ Valentine's Day cards—foil, of course. Looking towards the nurses' desk, he spied his cards' first recipients. Wilson and Cameron stood, idly chatting. He limped his way over, stopping close enough to them for him to warrant their attention. Wilson raised a brow.

"What?"

"Happy Valentine's Day," House replied, tearing off two of the cards and handing one to each of them.

Cameron stared at hers for a moment.

"You didn't even fill these out, House," she said.

"Well…it's the thought, right?" he said, walking away.

He made his way to Cuddy's office, and, seeing that she wasn't in there, dropped a card onto her desk and left. Passing the nurses' desk once again, he noticed the nurse on duty eyeing him. He sneered at her.

"Nurses don't get one," he said, heading towards the elevator.

In minutes he had dispensed the cards to random members of the hospital staff—nurses excluded—and to a couple of wandering patients as well. By the time he reached his office, where Foreman and Chase were present, he had run out of the cards. The two looked up at him, expectantly, as he stared into the empty box.

"Aw, man," House said, turning the box upside down. "All out. Oh! I know how to fix this!"

Turning the box over, he tore out two of the sample cards off the back. He handed one to each of the two doctors, who frowned up at their boss.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" House chirped mockingly, limping to his desk and sitting.

Chase eyed his cardboard card and looked up at Foreman.

"I don't look forward to next year," he said.

Foreman shook his head. "Who does?"

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End Notes: Okay, so I hope that that was at least remotely funny. Please review!


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